Monday, August 11, 2014

I am my best self when busy!

I watched "Lucy" the other day, the movie which is based on the hypothesis that humans use only up to 10% of brain capacity in a lifetime. The movie was not at all well made, but the point it tried to make, stuck with me. I was doing some thinking prior to that, well, I have been from some time now. But I was unable to pinpoint on that one thing which was making me uneasy.

There I was, having more free time on my hands than earlier, and still, why wasn't I able to focus on those things that I always thought I would do when I have free time on my hands? Stuff like, completing my unfinished novels (yes, plural), joining a handwriting analysis class which has been on my mind since like forever, registering for a masters degree (again, yes, I love studying, I want to do a MA in English or maybe a PG Diploma in creative writing), build a scrapbook for myself, and the list goes on. But I just wasn't doing any of these things. Why?

Rajat put in good words today. "You are at your best when you are busy" and as an afterthought, he added "And busy doing quality work". There, the light bulb flashed. Come to think of it, I had written my first novel when I was at one of the busiest and challenging phases of my career, my best scrap-booking results happened when I had absolutely no time to dedicate to them, my certification exams happened when my mind was being utilized constantly to think about solutions for challenges at work and so on. You get the drift, don't you? The correlation to Lucy, here, being the non-utilization of even that mediocre 10% of my brain capacity right now. Ugh.

So, now, the only way to get myself into doing all those things that I want to do, is to keep myself busy. Amen.


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The strangeness of human mind

When I lost my dad, I thought my life was done too. I thought I wouldn't be able to live without him and my time too, would soon come. When the 17th day had passed (that was the longest I had ever been away from him), I realized nothing was going to happen to me just because I don't have the most important person in my life with me anymore. I was (probably, debatable) sent here with a purpose and till I achieve that, my time wouldn't come.

I started to associate his presence with the weirdest things possible; when my vehicle wouldn't start after multiple attempts, I would say a silent prayer to my dad, and my Hero Puch would purr into action (Of course, I didn't want to consider the possibility that the multiple attempts would have warmed up the engine and that, most obviously, was the reason); I would say a silent prayer to him during all my exams then onward and give him (HE still existed in my mind) the entire credit for my good scores; I lost my way back from a remote area I had been to once, and all the way back home, which took a good 2 hours, I "felt" I was being guided by him. I don't really believe in supernatural existence unless it is evil (Ugh, I know, but that's the way I feel) but all these were new experiences.

Now that I think of all these situations, I laugh to myself. How naive I was. Naive or not, I think the strong belief I had in him and his presence helped me sail through most of my teenage years and early 20s. I don't rely on him anymore (not always, anyway) though I wish I did. Maybe the presence of something so strong, such strong a belief or hope in something helps us wait for a better tomorrow.

Thoughts?

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Angel of the past

Memories...you were obviously good
And so you keep haunting me
The heights we reached, the paths we took
Won't just let me be
 
Crazy talks with self...God they need to stop
These memories...did they really take place?
Sometimes I think yes, sometimes no
Sometimes I forget the cause for my case
 
It's been so long, yet you so haunt me
Maybe it's time we met again
You know who you are, my angel of the past
Why don't you relieve me of this pain?

Monday, May 19, 2014

The Art of Communication

So much that I want to say
Words just don't come out
Oh what will happen if I say so
This is what keeps me in doubt
 
Why should I bother what they think
These are people who are my own
If I have to bother so much
Are these people really my own?
 
Alas I am a stranger to the art of communication
I would rather stay quiet than speak my heart
By doing so it is I, me, myself I hurt
Maybe in the end, that's why we drift apart

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

That Thing Called Friendship

The reason for me writing this post is that I just answered a FRIENDS quiz and that made me think of them and that then made me think of my friends and friendship in general.

Now, I have been pretty lucky in this department. I have had some great friends in my life, although not all of them have made it till now, and the same goes to me too. I haven't been there for my friends like I used to. Yes, we keep in touch, yes we WhatsApp, yes we talk on the phone and perhaps meet once in a while; but it isn't what it used to be. There are probably just a couple of 2AM friends I have, you know, the ones I can call at 2AM and still get a response. I know that in hours of crisis, all these friends of mine will always be there for me and offer help in any way they can, but. It isn't the same.

When we talk or meet, we all feel the same bonding that we used to have, but that feeling is momentary. Yes, I still have a huge smile on my face when a friend calls out of the blue, but it isn't the same as chatting incessantly, cracking jokes that only you would understand and not having to worry about being judged or judgemental.

I was doing some thinking and here is what I have so far.

General rules and characteristics of friendship:

1. After a certain age, all the new people you meet become acquaintances and not friends in most cases
2. Friends of good friends always have the highest probability of becoming your good friends
3. Same goes for friends of better halves
4. In case of friendships, similars attract more than opposites
5. Friendships, like any other relationship, need lot of nurturing
6. Having a group of good friends who have other good friends increases your prospects of finding a good life partner ;)
7. People who you spend the most time with have the tendency to become your good friends provided you are like-minded
8. Contrary to popular and Sooraj Barjatya's belief, a guy and girl can be just friends! In fact, they can sometimes be better friends than with someone of their own gender
9. Friends are usually the worst hit when a life partner begins to emerge in one's life
10. Friends are the ones who help create the most of your life's best memories

To end this post, a simple poem:
Some have disappeared, very few stayed
Some are friends of friends, some are mine,
Some fought, some went away, some encroached
Some make the days of my life seem just fine

We may not talk, we may not meet, but if you have been or are my friend, please know that you are cherished and remembered.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Captain America & The Winter Soldier

Though this is coming a little late, I really wanted to write this. I usually catch most super hero movies within the first 3 days of their release, but somehow waited for more than 10 days to watch this one. I must say, it was worth the wait.

The one thing that strikes you most after watching this movie, or even during the movie, is it's story. Nowadays, most super hero movies have succumbed to graphics and special effects, and sadly, there isn't much of an emphasis on the story. This one's different. Maybe since Captain America doesn't really have any super power that needs to be shown via animations, it worked well too.

When S.H.I.E.L.D's director Nick Fury is attacked, he turns up at Captain America's house, gives him a USB drive, tells him not to trust anyone and then is declared dead in the hospital. The director's warning doesn't hold good for Black Widow or so it seems. Captain America trusts her from almost the very beginning of his fight against the people who are internal to S.H.I.E.L.D but are part of HYDRA, the terrorist organization. The fight is to stop a satellite program that basically predicts a person's future acts by reading their current digital footprints and decides to kill them if they can be a threat to HYDRA in the future, from being launched.

Captain America is ably assisted by the Black Widow and the Falcon in this venture, after S.H.I.E.L.D. decides to disown him. When Captain America comes face to face with the person on the other side who is helping accomplish HYDRA's satellite plan AKA the Winter Soldier, he is shocked. It is no one but Bucky, his best friend who he had thought he had lost in the war; only now, he doesn't recognize anyone, not even his best friend, Steve Rogers AKA Captain America.

In the end, against all odds, Captain America does save the satellites from being launched, pretty obviously :) I thought it was one of the better super hero movies, and definitely liked it more than the Avengers, where Captain America had absolutely nothing to do.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Relaxing Weekend

After a really long time, I had this totally relaxing weekend that reminded me of summer holidays during school days. Like most of you, I used to spend my summer holidays with cousins at my granny's; absolutely carefree, getting up late, playing for long, taking late baths, skipping breakfasts, bonding with cousins, laying lot of beds down in the hall next to each other and talking and giggling and making jokes till late in the night; you get the drift, right?

Now, mostly life seems to be a series of orchestrated motions and we keep searching for that one day or two without having anything to tend to and just relax.

Thanks to my mom and Avinash's parents visiting US, we had just this experience this weekend. And more so for me, because in our circle of friends, we are mostly the hosts and I spend quite a bit of my time in the kitchen and on making others feel comfortable; it's not that anyone expects it but it's just the way I am :)

But this weekend, I just lazed around at Avinash's place while the guys played FIFA, caught up with my reading after long, had the guys serve me food, listened to great music, slept in the hall talking for long, remembering the good ol' days. I feel rejuvenated after this and plan to do this often, to just take a break from the mundaneness!